Re: [Hampshire] [OT] Friday humor...

Tool additions
I was sent this in reply to tool descriptions by someone. His additions have
been modified to remove course language.

METAL CUTTING PAD SAW
Similar to the purpose-built wood-cutting pad saw (used in-situ on floor
boards), this is a superb device that fits a hacksaw blade into a wooden
handle, so that you can cut "blind".  When fitted for cut on the forward
stoke, it allows you to get part way through the job before the blade snaps
and the broken blade (now jammed in the work) severs the major blood vessels
in your wrist.

FOLD UP LADDER
A lightweight, space saving item that can be unrolled and placed against a
wall, to give you access to a ledge, 6 feet above ground level.  Can be
regularly moved as you work your way along the wall over the course of the
next 4 hours.  Can provide your work collegue with a broken wrist, as he
takes over the afternoon's work and climbs that ladder, only to find out
when he gets 5 feet up, that the ladder was the wrong way round and promptly
collapses.  

LATHE HEADSTOCK SUPPORT
A natty device that allows conduit piping (or similar) to be inserted into a
lathe for threading cutting, whilst the bulk of the material projects out of
the lathe, supported by the Lathe Headstock Support. It has a very advanced
safety feature. When operating the lathe, instead of pushing the
lever to the right for 100prm, the operator pushes left and gets 1000rpm, the
conduit bends and kicks the support out of the way (to save it being
damaged), cuts a groove in the workshop floor (additional grip when walking
across the workshop) and then rips out the overhead supply feed down
(stopping the lathe)